I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize