Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
don't judge my taste in strippers
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
