I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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