Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
