Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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