38 yer olds are good kisserssss
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
