I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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