I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
