it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
