I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
