don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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