I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Randomize
