I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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