Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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