I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize