I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
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