My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
As shirtless as possible
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
