just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
