Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
MIDGETS
????
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
