did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
