Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
