how do flat chested girls get laid?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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