No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
