Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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