Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
