apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Bring me that man meat
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
