Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize