i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
