I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize