Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I want you more than these girls want KFC
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
