you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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