Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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