I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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