A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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