thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Someone signed my nipple.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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