well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
