whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
