my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
