So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
