we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
