I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
