i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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