My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
