you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
