Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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