Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
