me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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