idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
