Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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