My nipple is on Facebook.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
