The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
