my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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