Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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