I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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