You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
