oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
