just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
