im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
