it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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