a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
