im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
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There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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