Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
