I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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