Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
