You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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