Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
