People with herpes should wear stickers.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
