Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
