You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
