Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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