if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Everything about him screamed your future.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I have post one night stand depression
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
