I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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