I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
