At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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