She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
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She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
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but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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