Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
