My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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