I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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