He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
